Nice Guys Finish Last

Here's a part of an article by Dieter Uchtdorf:

"In the 1960s, a professor at Stanford University began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. He placed before them a large marshmallow and then told them they could eat it right away or, if they waited for 15 minutes, they could have two marshmallows.

He then left the children alone and watched what happened behind a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; some could wait only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait.

It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he kept track of the children and began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships."

Lately I've been thinking a lot about patience.  What is it?  Why is it a virtue?  Why is it so important?  These things have been on my mind a lot lately since I'm being forced to practice patience in some areas of my life.

I know I used to have patience at one point in time.  When I was around 4 or 5 years old, I used to beg my mom for a dog.  I wanted a dog SO bad that I was willing to do almost anything to get one.  After months of begging, my mom reluctantly told me that if I saved up enough money and promised to take care of it, I could have a dog when I was twelve (she admits that she never thought I would really hold her to that.)  That was 7 years away!  I didn't even know what 7 years felt like yet!  Nevertheless, I started saving money whenever I could.  I even remember my dad taking me to the bank down the street to open a savings account.  After years, I never lost the vision of my ultimate goal: getting the dog.  I eventually got the dog because I was able to think about what I wanted most rather than what I wanted at the moment.

So what is patience?  As Uchtdorf put is, "Patience is the ability to put our desires on hold for a period of time.  It requires being humble and unselfish... patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results don't appear instantly or without effort."  That can be pretty hard.  Especially when what you want is a good thing, something that would make you a better person.  We can't have fear and patience at the same time, nor can we be selfish and be patient at the same time.  Patience is actively waiting and enduring things well.

I think patience is really important for a couple of different reasons.  First off, it helps us grow.  While saving for the dog, I learned out to save money, work hard, and learned how hard it is to earn money and how easy it is to spend it.  It also helps us appreciate the thing we were waiting for.  If I had gotten the dog when I wanted the dog, I probably would have been excited about it for a month or so and then stop appreciating it.  Rather, since I had worked so hard and waited so long to get the thing, I took care of him and love him!  The experience was much more meaningful after waiting.  Sometimes when we wait for something, it means much more later than it would have had it been in our lives earlier.

I think the virtue of patience is rare in this day and age and I find myself constantly struggling to find it in my own life.  I get impatient about stupid things, like JJ DiLuigi running the football, traffic, helping people at work, etc.  But sometimes I also feel like my life isn't moving forward and it's easy to get short sighted and forget the ultimate goal.  I know that things will work out the way they're supposed to if I can just have the patience and hope.  I'm so thankful that I have friends and family that make the waiting easier!


So in the end, nice guys do finish last.  But that's good, because they've grown and learned along the way.  I hope to continue to learn and grow as I learn patience and go through hard things while I actively wait.

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."  ~John Quincy Adams